Today I had an appointment with my GP for blood work. I asked him to do a TSH (thyroid) and another beta. We briefly discussed high-risk obs in the area, though I’m not ready to book anything until a lot more time has passed. He said that they take limited numbers of patients and fill up fast, but I’m just not comfortable moving forward and won’t be for many more weeks. He also said it would take a day or two to get the beta results back. Torture.
As I was paying the bill (€90/ $135USD for a TSH and HCG, grrrr) the receptionist said that she would watch for the results and call me as soon as she received them. I still thought I would be waiting until Thursday or Friday.
Well, she just called.
Beta is 2,520. I’m still pregnant.
The cramping and spotting continue. I’m still on orders from both the fertility clinic and now my GP to relax and keep my feet up, but for now, I’m still pregnant. I even had two minutes of believing that this is real and finally booked the first ultrasound, December 3. I’ll go in earlier if there is a major problem, but by Dec 3, we should be able to hear a heartbeat if there is one.
In other news, none of my pants fit. As I’ve mentioned before, I was still carrying around extra weight from the first IVF, add in meds from the FET, then meds from another IVF= nothing fits. I’m really tempted to order a pair, or two, of pants from the U.S. (they would take a few weeks to get here), but I fear that by the time anything would arrive, this will all be over.
Ah, to be fertile and ignorant, or at least infertile in the U.S. with a few good stores in the neighborhood ;)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
quick weekend recap (not very exciting)
I’m still on house quarantine, so weekends are not very exiting around here. I did insist that my husband walk over to the International Charity Bazaar and have a margarita on my behalf. He also had lunch, a glass of wine, did some shopping, and visited with several friends; all while I laid on the couch and worried. Just kidding, I’m glad he had fun.
We were without a dishwasher throughout the weekend (since last Monday to be exact), but as of this afternoon, it’s repaired, I hope.
While we were living in Berlin, we were asked to move from house A to house B, a move we welcomed. Unfortunately the movers smashed in the front of my slow cooker, though it still worked, so I didn’t say anything. The appliance finally died (due to it’s injury? I’m not sure), so I ordered another one. It arrived on Friday, so I made a roast yesterday. I had planned to throw the broken slow cooker away, but there are a few people who would like to attempt to “fix it” first, so I’ll keep it around for now.
the broken slow cooker
The cramping continues. I have minutes of feeling okay, start to have hope, and then the cramping starts again. Since I have numerous pregnancy tests around, I decided to test again yesterday, stupid, I know. Obviously if I had HCG in my system on Friday, regardless of what is happening now, there is still enough to result in a positive home pregnancy test. Anyway, still positive, still cramping, still occasionally spotting, and still scared to death.
I made an appointment with my GP this week. I need to have a repeat TSH (thyroid) test, and might as well have him draw a beta, too. I’ll let you know, one way or the other.
We were without a dishwasher throughout the weekend (since last Monday to be exact), but as of this afternoon, it’s repaired, I hope.
While we were living in Berlin, we were asked to move from house A to house B, a move we welcomed. Unfortunately the movers smashed in the front of my slow cooker, though it still worked, so I didn’t say anything. The appliance finally died (due to it’s injury? I’m not sure), so I ordered another one. It arrived on Friday, so I made a roast yesterday. I had planned to throw the broken slow cooker away, but there are a few people who would like to attempt to “fix it” first, so I’ll keep it around for now.
the broken slow cooker
The cramping continues. I have minutes of feeling okay, start to have hope, and then the cramping starts again. Since I have numerous pregnancy tests around, I decided to test again yesterday, stupid, I know. Obviously if I had HCG in my system on Friday, regardless of what is happening now, there is still enough to result in a positive home pregnancy test. Anyway, still positive, still cramping, still occasionally spotting, and still scared to death.
I made an appointment with my GP this week. I need to have a repeat TSH (thyroid) test, and might as well have him draw a beta, too. I’ll let you know, one way or the other.
Friday, November 13, 2009
beta #2 is in
148! It doubled. Huge sigh of relief.
The conversation with the nurse was brief (it was the same nurse who told me that it was too early to do a beta on Wednesday). She asked if I had enough meds for the next few weeks, said she would get a referral in for another intralipid infusion, and told me to rest.
I’m still terrified because again, we’ve been this far before, but it’s a start.
The conversation with the nurse was brief (it was the same nurse who told me that it was too early to do a beta on Wednesday). She asked if I had enough meds for the next few weeks, said she would get a referral in for another intralipid infusion, and told me to rest.
I’m still terrified because again, we’ve been this far before, but it’s a start.
International Charity Bazaar
If you are in Dublin and looking for something to do this weekend, check out the 4th Annual International Charity Bazaar at the D4 Hotel in Ballsbridge, Sunday, November 15, 11am-4pm.
Once again, over 40 embassies have come together to raise money for charities in Ireland and elsewhere around the world. Enjoy crafts, food, and drink from all over the globe, a great way to spend the afternoon and help raise money for a good cause. Entrance is just €2 and raffle tickets are available for sale. The prizes are fantastic, numerous trips, gifts, wine, etc..
We attended last year and had a fabulous time. Enjoy!
For more information and a list of prizes, click here
Once again, over 40 embassies have come together to raise money for charities in Ireland and elsewhere around the world. Enjoy crafts, food, and drink from all over the globe, a great way to spend the afternoon and help raise money for a good cause. Entrance is just €2 and raffle tickets are available for sale. The prizes are fantastic, numerous trips, gifts, wine, etc..
We attended last year and had a fabulous time. Enjoy!
For more information and a list of prizes, click here
back from the clinic ::waiting, waiting, waiting::
I went back to the clinic this morning for another beta. You know you are a regular when you don't have to check in. The receptionist just buzzes you in after seeing that you've wiped down with the hand sanitizer at the entrance; then as you approach the desk, she says good morning to you by name and tells you to wait upstairs. sigh.
One of my favorite nurses called me back for the blood draw. We discussed the ongoing cramping, and now little bit of spotting :( She said the only thing to do is relax and rest; it could go either way at this point and I'm too early to scan, which I knew. She also said that she worked in a regular ob office for many years before joining the fertility clinic and understands that these pregnancies are “precious.” I assume that was a nice way of saying that IVF patients are an overly anxious, nervous bunch of crazies.
She gave me a little hug as we left and promised to call this afternoon, good news or bad.
One of my favorite nurses called me back for the blood draw. We discussed the ongoing cramping, and now little bit of spotting :( She said the only thing to do is relax and rest; it could go either way at this point and I'm too early to scan, which I knew. She also said that she worked in a regular ob office for many years before joining the fertility clinic and understands that these pregnancies are “precious.” I assume that was a nice way of saying that IVF patients are an overly anxious, nervous bunch of crazies.
She gave me a little hug as we left and promised to call this afternoon, good news or bad.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
the nurse called with the first beta
60!
While I'm glad that we have a decent number, I can't help but be terrified, too. We've gotten this far before only to be devastated.
waiting, waiting, waiting
On Sunday I had decided that I’d had enough rest and decided to get back to my normal routine. Bad idea. By Sunday evening I was cramping, a lot, which carried over into Monday.
Monday was a bad day. I received an email that the security team would be here “November 9, Tuesday” ?? to check the alarm. First of all, I was really looking forward to a day alone, possibly a day to rest. Also, last time the security team was here to check the alarm, the phone system was down for four months. Numerous appointments later with the security team, phone company, and electricians, the phones are working again, but I was not looking forward to a repeat. I think I was most frustrated with the email, were they coming Monday November 9 or Tuesday November 10.
On top of that, the dishwasher stopped working, again. I tried running it three times, three different settings, nothing. By dinner time I had yet to hear anything from the security team, had an entire dishwasher of dishes to wash by hand, but was still cramping. Oh, and did I mention there is ANOTHER leak under the kitchen sink and in the powder room?
Then my husband came home from work and informed me that our local grocery stores would not be receiving turkeys until the first week of December. Fine unless you are American wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving the end of November. Apparently turkeys can be ordered through local butchers; yeah, like that won’t cost a small fortune. And so the cramping continued.
As we sat down to dinner, my husband noticed that Guinness was not in his usual spot, begging for people food. Sure enough, the cat was in the foyer getting violently ill on the new door mat. Fabulous. Cleaned up the cat and the foyer, more cramps.
I finally crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew it was over. I decided to test Tuesday morning just to prove it to myself. It had been 15 days since the HCG trigger shot, no chance it was still in my system, therefore no chance of a false positive.
Tuesday morning I was up early (not that I had slept) and tested.
Much to my surprise
Yeah, pregnant. I showed the test to my husband and unlike the reaction that most couples have to such news, we just gave each other a look of “well, here we go again”, and that was that. Infertility and a previous miscarriage steal the joy that a positive pregnancy test means that you’ll actually still be pregnant the following week, the following month, or even that you might eventually have a live baby. And the cramps continued.
This morning I decided I was done. I had to know one way or the other so I called the clinic to schedule a beta (not routinely done here, a rant for another post). The nurse I spoke to was less than enthusiastic about me coming in so early, though agreed that it was definitely not leftover HCG in my system from the trigger shot.
The receptionist was very nice and agreed to get me in ASAP even though they were “double booked” today. She said to expect a long wait. I held it together until we were sitting on the couch in the waiting area upstairs. I saw my doctor come in to get another couple and lost it. Fortunately within two minutes a nurse called my name. (Crying patients in the waiting area can’t be good for business). The nurse was lovely, talked to us for a few minutes, then insisted she find someone to speak with us after the blood draw, which I told her wasn’t necessary.
She took the blood, flipped through my chart, and asked about my history. I told her about the triplets and the failed FET. She was awesome, completely awesome. She didn’t make me feel like a complete loon for being as scared and nervous as I was. She also said the cramps could be implantation cramps. WHAT? This feels more like, ‘my period is going to start any second’ type of cramps. Through the tears I told her that I never had cramping with the triplets and I lost them, so I can only imagine what cramps mean. Nope, she insisted, it was likely implantation cramps.
Another nurse will call this afternoon with the beta result and I have a second appointment on Friday. I was sent home with strict orders of “couch rest, tv, and chocolate”.
So now, I’m waiting, waiting, waiting……
PS- I’m not sure what to think of it, but every time I’ve been on the couch since the transfer, Guinness is sprawled across my stomach. Maybe he knows something is going on in there. Keep snuggling little buddy.
Monday was a bad day. I received an email that the security team would be here “November 9, Tuesday” ?? to check the alarm. First of all, I was really looking forward to a day alone, possibly a day to rest. Also, last time the security team was here to check the alarm, the phone system was down for four months. Numerous appointments later with the security team, phone company, and electricians, the phones are working again, but I was not looking forward to a repeat. I think I was most frustrated with the email, were they coming Monday November 9 or Tuesday November 10.
On top of that, the dishwasher stopped working, again. I tried running it three times, three different settings, nothing. By dinner time I had yet to hear anything from the security team, had an entire dishwasher of dishes to wash by hand, but was still cramping. Oh, and did I mention there is ANOTHER leak under the kitchen sink and in the powder room?
Then my husband came home from work and informed me that our local grocery stores would not be receiving turkeys until the first week of December. Fine unless you are American wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving the end of November. Apparently turkeys can be ordered through local butchers; yeah, like that won’t cost a small fortune. And so the cramping continued.
As we sat down to dinner, my husband noticed that Guinness was not in his usual spot, begging for people food. Sure enough, the cat was in the foyer getting violently ill on the new door mat. Fabulous. Cleaned up the cat and the foyer, more cramps.
I finally crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew it was over. I decided to test Tuesday morning just to prove it to myself. It had been 15 days since the HCG trigger shot, no chance it was still in my system, therefore no chance of a false positive.
Tuesday morning I was up early (not that I had slept) and tested.
Much to my surprise
Yeah, pregnant. I showed the test to my husband and unlike the reaction that most couples have to such news, we just gave each other a look of “well, here we go again”, and that was that. Infertility and a previous miscarriage steal the joy that a positive pregnancy test means that you’ll actually still be pregnant the following week, the following month, or even that you might eventually have a live baby. And the cramps continued.
This morning I decided I was done. I had to know one way or the other so I called the clinic to schedule a beta (not routinely done here, a rant for another post). The nurse I spoke to was less than enthusiastic about me coming in so early, though agreed that it was definitely not leftover HCG in my system from the trigger shot.
The receptionist was very nice and agreed to get me in ASAP even though they were “double booked” today. She said to expect a long wait. I held it together until we were sitting on the couch in the waiting area upstairs. I saw my doctor come in to get another couple and lost it. Fortunately within two minutes a nurse called my name. (Crying patients in the waiting area can’t be good for business). The nurse was lovely, talked to us for a few minutes, then insisted she find someone to speak with us after the blood draw, which I told her wasn’t necessary.
She took the blood, flipped through my chart, and asked about my history. I told her about the triplets and the failed FET. She was awesome, completely awesome. She didn’t make me feel like a complete loon for being as scared and nervous as I was. She also said the cramps could be implantation cramps. WHAT? This feels more like, ‘my period is going to start any second’ type of cramps. Through the tears I told her that I never had cramping with the triplets and I lost them, so I can only imagine what cramps mean. Nope, she insisted, it was likely implantation cramps.
Another nurse will call this afternoon with the beta result and I have a second appointment on Friday. I was sent home with strict orders of “couch rest, tv, and chocolate”.
So now, I’m waiting, waiting, waiting……
PS- I’m not sure what to think of it, but every time I’ve been on the couch since the transfer, Guinness is sprawled across my stomach. Maybe he knows something is going on in there. Keep snuggling little buddy.
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