Wednesday, May 25, 2011

nervous, scared, desperate (FET #2)

These are my feelings as we’re now 18 hours from transfer time. Of course, the embryos first have to survive the thaw. Knowing that these two were our slow starters, I honestly don’t know if we’ll have anything to transfer by the time we arrive at the clinic tomorrow.

It’s strange; I don’t remember being nearly this anxious during our last fresh cycle. I haven’t slept in days (stress? Prednisone side effect? both?). I think part of it is the sheer desperation of this cycle. We could very well be done; these are our last frozen embryos.

Our health insurance doesn’t cover IVF or meds, so just the expense of cycle after cycle is mind-blowing, add in that just any old IVF clinic won’t do, since I have the auto-immune issues. I HAVE to use a specialized clinic, which are unfortunately, very hard to find; in fact, almost impossible overseas.

We leave Dublin in August, so perhaps I could fit in one more fresh cycle, but again, the money. Then of course there’s the added stress of leftover embryos, would we leave them here and travel back to transfer, try to ship them to a clinic in a different country? There are just no easy answers, so I sit, and worry.

Our first frozen transfer was a NIGHTMARE, and I know, as hard as I try to change this, that some of the feelings about that time, and the circumstances, are at the forefront of my mind. The logical part of my brain says that our current clinic is much more advanced, the embryos are much better quality and we were not forced to rush into this cycle. The emotional part of my brains says, well, here we go again. Another failed cycle.

I'll update tomorrow.


  1. C, first of all I wanted to thank you so much for your kind words about Patches, I was sure you certainly would have understood the pain and sadness (even though it was kinder to his this way than keeping him going). So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Then I wanted to tell you to breathe. Try as much as possible not to rush ahead with the what ifs. This frozen embryos are from the same batch as sweet Kate. The fact that they were slow means absolutely nothing (Oliver was a day 6 blast too!). In fairness I understand I found FET much more difficult emotionally, churning stomach and all. it seems much more out of control, you are still medicated to the gills and then what if they just don't survive the thaw?? But the clinic is excellent at freezing so the chances they'll survive are very high. They never freeze for the sake of freezing, embryos must be in top quality conditions.
    Like you I need a back up plan, but wait at least till transfer day ok?
    Love, Fran

  2. I'm so praying for you and those little embryos. Please let us know how they are doing tomorrow. Hugs.

  3. Just wishing, and hoping and praying for you! I hope your precious embies survive the thaw, and make a cozy home in your uterus.

    Please take care and remain calm!

    And have a chocolate!