These are my feelings as we’re now 18 hours from transfer time. Of course, the embryos first have to survive the thaw. Knowing that these two were our slow starters, I honestly don’t know if we’ll have anything to transfer by the time we arrive at the clinic tomorrow.
It’s strange; I don’t remember being nearly this anxious during our last fresh cycle. I haven’t slept in days (stress? Prednisone side effect? both?). I think part of it is the sheer desperation of this cycle. We could very well be done; these are our last frozen embryos.
Our health insurance doesn’t cover IVF or meds, so just the expense of cycle after cycle is mind-blowing, add in that just any old IVF clinic won’t do, since I have the auto-immune issues. I HAVE to use a specialized clinic, which are unfortunately, very hard to find; in fact, almost impossible overseas.
We leave Dublin in August, so perhaps I could fit in one more fresh cycle, but again, the money. Then of course there’s the added stress of leftover embryos, would we leave them here and travel back to transfer, try to ship them to a clinic in a different country? There are just no easy answers, so I sit, and worry.
Our first frozen transfer was a NIGHTMARE, and I know, as hard as I try to change this, that some of the feelings about that time, and the circumstances, are at the forefront of my mind. The logical part of my brain says that our current clinic is much more advanced, the embryos are much better quality and we were not forced to rush into this cycle. The emotional part of my brains says, well, here we go again. Another failed cycle.
I'll update tomorrow.