Wednesday, November 11, 2009

waiting, waiting, waiting

On Sunday I had decided that I’d had enough rest and decided to get back to my normal routine. Bad idea. By Sunday evening I was cramping, a lot, which carried over into Monday.

Monday was a bad day. I received an email that the security team would be here “November 9, Tuesday” ?? to check the alarm. First of all, I was really looking forward to a day alone, possibly a day to rest. Also, last time the security team was here to check the alarm, the phone system was down for four months. Numerous appointments later with the security team, phone company, and electricians, the phones are working again, but I was not looking forward to a repeat. I think I was most frustrated with the email, were they coming Monday November 9 or Tuesday November 10.

On top of that, the dishwasher stopped working, again. I tried running it three times, three different settings, nothing. By dinner time I had yet to hear anything from the security team, had an entire dishwasher of dishes to wash by hand, but was still cramping. Oh, and did I mention there is ANOTHER leak under the kitchen sink and in the powder room?

Then my husband came home from work and informed me that our local grocery stores would not be receiving turkeys until the first week of December. Fine unless you are American wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving the end of November. Apparently turkeys can be ordered through local butchers; yeah, like that won’t cost a small fortune. And so the cramping continued.

As we sat down to dinner, my husband noticed that Guinness was not in his usual spot, begging for people food. Sure enough, the cat was in the foyer getting violently ill on the new door mat. Fabulous. Cleaned up the cat and the foyer, more cramps.

I finally crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew it was over. I decided to test Tuesday morning just to prove it to myself. It had been 15 days since the HCG trigger shot, no chance it was still in my system, therefore no chance of a false positive.

Tuesday morning I was up early (not that I had slept) and tested.

Much to my surprise

Yeah, pregnant. I showed the test to my husband and unlike the reaction that most couples have to such news, we just gave each other a look of “well, here we go again”, and that was that. Infertility and a previous miscarriage steal the joy that a positive pregnancy test means that you’ll actually still be pregnant the following week, the following month, or even that you might eventually have a live baby. And the cramps continued.

This morning I decided I was done. I had to know one way or the other so I called the clinic to schedule a beta (not routinely done here, a rant for another post). The nurse I spoke to was less than enthusiastic about me coming in so early, though agreed that it was definitely not leftover HCG in my system from the trigger shot.

The receptionist was very nice and agreed to get me in ASAP even though they were “double booked” today. She said to expect a long wait. I held it together until we were sitting on the couch in the waiting area upstairs. I saw my doctor come in to get another couple and lost it. Fortunately within two minutes a nurse called my name. (Crying patients in the waiting area can’t be good for business). The nurse was lovely, talked to us for a few minutes, then insisted she find someone to speak with us after the blood draw, which I told her wasn’t necessary.

She took the blood, flipped through my chart, and asked about my history. I told her about the triplets and the failed FET. She was awesome, completely awesome. She didn’t make me feel like a complete loon for being as scared and nervous as I was. She also said the cramps could be implantation cramps. WHAT? This feels more like, ‘my period is going to start any second’ type of cramps. Through the tears I told her that I never had cramping with the triplets and I lost them, so I can only imagine what cramps mean. Nope, she insisted, it was likely implantation cramps.

Another nurse will call this afternoon with the beta result and I have a second appointment on Friday. I was sent home with strict orders of “couch rest, tv, and chocolate”.

So now, I’m waiting, waiting, waiting……

PS- I’m not sure what to think of it, but every time I’ve been on the couch since the transfer, Guinness is sprawled across my stomach. Maybe he knows something is going on in there. Keep snuggling little buddy.


  1. Wonderful, wonderful news! I wish my GP was as fast with results from our HCG, it's under all critique here. Went in Monday, was told to call back Tuesday. Called all Tuesday and was told in the afternoon to call back Wednesday morning. Called back this morning and was told the results would not be back until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, possibly even as late as Friday!!!! BIG SIGH.
    Hoping for fantastic numbers for you girl :)

  2. Awwww! I can only imagine that failed previous pregancies steal the joy out of future BFP's. But let's hope that this one decides to stick around in your belly for 9 months, and a lifetime out in the real world :) Congrats!

  3. Oh my goodness! Congrats! I completely understand your fears - but, as of right now, you are pregnant my dear!

    You will be in my thoughts & prayers - keeping everything crossed that this is your sticky baby!


  4. I'm waiting, waiting, waiting right along side you. Waiting sucks! BUT you got a BFP and that's a big step in the right direction. I've heard a lot of women say they had period-type craps when they were expecting to start and ended up getting a positive, so it could be "implantation" cramps I think. I'm so excited for you! Hang in there.

  5. Sending many congrats... though can totally understand how previous experiences determine how you handle this good news. 3 MC's in a row sent me just about over the edge...

    Waiting patiently for the next results... :)

  6. For what it's worth, I cramp all through the first trimester, and whatever problems I have keeping babies alive, it isn't because they're not implanting well. To me, cramping is the sign of things going WELL in there. I say "run with it" & Congratulations!!!

  7. Maybe I can be happy and excited and hopeful for you? I am SO glad that right now you got a positive pregnancy test and a blood draw done so quickly. I'm praying hard for these little ones to stick! :)

  8. Sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way.

  9. I know the fear is strong, but this is the first step and it looks good! I had lots of cramps and weirdo feelings when I got pregnant and was SURE my period was on it's way so maybe it is just the implantation. Good luck, my fingers are crossed for you.

  10. This is brilliant news!! BFP and soooo early!! I completely understand the wait and the agony that goes with it, I'm here waiting with you. Love, Fra

  11. Congratulations, my friend! Small steps all in the right direction... keep up the positive attitude! We'll be praying for you

  12. Congrats!! I will be saying lots of prayers for you! Maybe that Guiness does know something is cooking in the oven!

  13. Wow! What a lovely shade of pink on that test! I'm sorry that you have to know about the types of loss that can happen after this kind of good news. So, at least you are one step down right? I'll be anxiously waiting to hear your beta numbers. Lots of rest and keep that cat snuggly with you!

  14. Congrats, and hope the cramping goes away.

    My cat sat on my tummy for the first 2 trimesters, then when I had to lie on my side all the time, she sat on my hip. She has never been a lap cat in the 9 years we've had her -- she totally knew there were babies in there.

    Good luck!