IVF #3, embryology update :(

This afternoon I spoke with the embryologist. She said that three of the embryos are showing significant degrees of fragmentation; the other two are doing well. She went as far as to offer me the option of doing a 3-day transfer tomorrow (as in, we might not have anything to transfer on day 5). It is 100% certain that we will have nothing to freeze.

Having previously done more research on this than I care to admit (I've also had both a 3-day and a 5-day transfer), I decided to take a chance and grow them out to 5-day blasts. The risk of course is that we’ll have nothing to transfer. That said, many REs believe that if embryos don’t make it to day five, they weren’t healthy enough to result in a pregnancy anyway, so basically you’re just getting the bad news earlier. If we have a blast to transfer, the chances are better that we’re putting back a good quality embryo.

After I got off the phone with the embryologist, I was rather upset, so I left a message for Dr. Fabulous, highlighting the conversation I’d just had. She called me back within minutes (have I mentioned how much I adore her). Upon listening to my message, she immediately spoke with the embryologist and based on their conversation, agreed that I’m doing the right thing (hoping to get to blast stage). We talked for a bit and she said to call back anytime if I need to talk, so sweet. She also promised to check on the embryos and call if there are any significant changes. Otherwise, I’ll hear from embryology on Friday and schedule transfer for Saturday. Dr. Fabulous will be at the clinic on Saturday, too. At least if there’s really bad news, I’ll be in good hands.

Please pray, think good thoughts or whatever you do. Thank you.

We have embryos!!!!!

Late this morning I glanced at my phone and noticed that I’d missed a call from the clinic. My heart dropped; the embryologist wasn’t supposed to call for at least four more hours. As I called the clinic, I had the absolute worst, heavy feeling in my stomach. I was put through to the embryologist right away.

Imagine my delight, and surprise, when she said we have FIVE embryos!!!!! I’m stunned. We had a long talk about the fact that we’ll be lucky to have two, maybe three on Friday, but still, five is a lot better than the numbers I’d had floating around in my head.

She told me not to stress, (yeah, right) and that she’d be in touch later this week. As we ended the call, she said I could ring tomorrow for an update, late afternoon. I’m positive this is the same embryologist I spoke to for IVF #2, as she used the word “precious”, when speaking of our embryos. This is also the same embryologist who told us that our second embryo arrested before transfer for FET #2. She is so sweet and comforting. I just know they are in the best hands.

Five, we have five. Please, please grow.

The stats:

IVF #1: 8 eggs, 5 embryos (transferred 3, froze 2)

IVF #2: 7 eggs, 4 embryos (transferred 2, froze 2)

IVF #3: 7 eggs, 5 embryos (to be determined)

IVF #3, Egg Retrieval

Seven eggs were retrieved. Obviously I wish the number were higher, but given my age, DOR status, etc, I’m pleased with seven.

IVF #1= 8 eggs, 5 embryos

IVF #2= 7 eggs, 4 embryos

IVF #3= 7 eggs, to be determined

We arrived at the clinic this morning and the guilt feelings (bringing Kate with us) continued. I felt like I was entering the building with contraband. The surgical area was still quite busy, so we waited in the general waiting area. Kate did beautifully, sitting on my husband’s lap, quietly looking around.

They called for us fairly quickly, and we passed Dr. Fabulous in the hall, who seemed very pleased to see Kate. Once downstairs, we were shown to a private, curtain area. I changed, then the nurse went over discharge instructions. I asked her if Dr. Fabulous was still going to do my retrieval and she left to find out. My husband held Kate, keeping her entertained with her favorite books. The nurse said that another doctor would go over our consent paperwork, then Dr. Fabulous would be down to do the retrieval. The other doctor came in and honestly, she’s a favorite, too. She actually did the embryo transfer that gave us Kate. She was very sweet with her, and with us. I kind of felt bad for insisting that Dr. Fabulous do the transfer, as I’m sure the other doctor would have done a great job too. By that time, they were ready for my husband, so I waited with Kate. The nurse stopped by and asked if I needed anything for Kate. I just can’t get over how lovely everyone was about us bringing her to the clinic. I was so nervous, and felt terrible about doing so, but their attitudes really put me at ease, as much as possible.

Kate checking out the bed

Soon it was time for my husband and Kate to leave. My favorite surgical nurse came to get me. We had a nice chat on the way back to the theatre, quick prep, then Dr. Fabulous and the other RE came in. Dr. Fabulous started my IV and after a quick discussion of meds (it’s the anesthesia nerd in me), it was just about time to start.

Perhaps it was being surrounded by some of my all time favorite staff at the clinic, perhaps it was the Sopadol (Tylenol with Codeine) tablets I’d been asked to take 45 minutes earlier, or perhaps it was the emotions of finally being in the operating theatre again , but I couldn’t help but think that if not for the lack of insurance coverage, and expense of IVF, I would do this over and over and over, to build our family. I really want another child.

Perhaps now it’s my post anesthesia fog, but it was really a full-circle feeling today, having Kate in the clinic with us. It was less than two years ago that we were there, surrounded by the same staff, going through the same procedure, and to think that this now walking, talking almost one year old, was conceived in that lab, is just amazing to me.

Dr. Fabulous announced it was time for my “gin and tonic”, err Midazolam and Morphine, and that was that.

I woke up in recovery, a bit groggy, but otherwise okay. Though I did find out that I was awake and talking during part of the retrieval, eep. Dr. Fabulous later told me that we spoke about Kate, nothing embarrassing.

They gave me two bags of fluids, then I was ready to go. I did ask to speak to Dr. Fabulous regarding transfer, as things will be significantly more complicated since we are leaving Ireland next month. We had a nice conversation and she seems to understand my concerns regarding extra embryos (should we even have them).

My husband had planned to pick me up, but Kate was just going down for a nap, so Dr. Fabulous called me a taxi. Warm wishes from her and the front office staff, and off I went.

Please think good fertilization report thoughts for us. The embryologist will call tomorrow evening, good news or bad.

one more bag

all done

A few announcements…

I triggered last night! Sorry, no pictures like last time. I’m not a night person, at all, but this was obviously worth staying up for. Of course then when I finally did wander upstairs to bed, I couldn’t sleep. After I gave the cats their bedtime treats (yes, I keep a container of cat treats in the drawer of my nightstand, and yes, they expect, okay demand, treats every night), I grabbed my iPad and started googling bad things like “ovulation before egg retrieval”, and other non sleep-inducing phrases. Must learn to stay away from Google at midnight.

In other news, this September, catswithpassports is moving to…..

BRATISLAVA, SLOVAKIA!!!!!!

We are thrilled! Bratislava was our number one choice, and after going through the bidding process, plus a promotion, plus the wait, it seems that we are indeed going to Slovakia. As everyone in the Foreign Service knows, nothing is certain until you are on the ground, but it looks promising. So yes, three glorious years of Christmas markets, easy travel, four seasons, and the arts. Oh, and did I mention that Vienna is less than an hour away?

And one last bit, from this morning…

First of all, I loathe “food” smells in my house. Weird, I know. My husband on the other hand, thinks he’s died and gone to heaven if I occasionally make a “big breakfast” (omelet, bacon, etc). Since I’ve been full of hormones for the better part of two years (IVF #2, pregnancy, breastfeeding, FET #2, and now IVF #3), I try to indulge him from time to time, and this morning I made breakfast.

After we ate, Kate and I were alone in the kitchen, so I opened up one of the windows to air out the room. Several minutes later I walked to the front of the house to speak to my husband, and happened to glance down and see Bella. As I walked back toward the kitchen, noticing the open window, I nervously shouted, “Is Guinness with you?” As I asked, I looked out toward the back garden and sure enough, Guinness had escaped through the window and was standing on the patio. I ran outside and of course he ran away from me, and under the patio table, fortunately within reach. I brought him inside and all is well. Though it might be a while before I make breakfast again.

planes, trains and car seats

My long vent of the day.

First, my sincere apologies for posting something so baby-centered during ICLW week. I really try to avoid Kate-heavy posts during this time, but ugh, I need to vent.

Here’s the deal. We’re moving in August. We’ll be Stateside for a month, then we need to fly back to Europe, where we’ll live for three more years. Before Kate, I really didn’t care, nor pay much attention to, which airline we flew. Well, now that I have an infant, who I insist ride in a car seat while flying, I’m paying much more attention to our choice of airline.

Kate is my daughter and whether she’s in a car or a plane, she’s strapped into her car seat. Our upcoming travel is not leisure, it’s work related, and therefore, we don’t have a choice about flying. To keep the nasty, anonymous comments at bay, can we just leave it at that? Please? Yes I know that a lot of people are comfortable flying with their infants in their laps, I’m not. Yes I know that if the plane falls from the sky, it’s likely, though not certain, that we will all die anyway. I worry more about take-off, landing, turbulence, aborted take-offs, and my personal desire of not having a squirmy, one-year old in my lap for 8+ hours.

So, here’s the problem. The European carriers are notorious for being anti-car seat on board, and there are no U.S. carriers that fly into our destination city. I have spent hours upon hours researching online, and yesterday, hours upon hours on the phone with several of the European airlines, trying to get a straight answer about their car seat policies.

Today, I’m more frustrated than ever.

Airline A: Website policy looks phenomenal, even listing specific makes and models of car seats. I wasthisclose to telling my husband to book with them, without even talking to a customer service rep. Fortunately the little voice in my head told me to call. Sure enough (after 30 minutes on hold), I was told that car seats are not permitted on board and the agent was shocked when I read her the policy from their website. So I called back, hoping to get a different agent, and therefore different answer. Once again, no car seats are allowed on board. When pressed for a reason, I was told it was a “security issue.” WHAT? So, I called again. Same thing. No car seats allowed on board, and no explanation as to why the website hasn’t been updated to reflect the policy change.

Airline B: Website states car seats are allowed. Internet research for passengers’ experiences with this airline tells a very, very different story. Add in that the armrests are fixed, making car seat installation difficult, if not impossible.

Airline C: Website states that car seats are allowed, forward facing only. Kate is too young to front face. I mean yeah, it’s better than nothing , but when questioned about using a car seat on board, the agent said it was at the discretion of the flight crew.

Airline D: Website policy looks good, with one, MAJOR exception. Car seats can’t be used during take off, landing, or when the fasten seat belt sign is on. I had to read that about 10 times. Um, isn’t that the most critical time of the flight, the time I most want her strapped into her car seat? Having hit severe turbulence going over the Atlantic when she was seven weeks old, I was very grateful that she was safely nestled in her car seat. There is no way I could have held onto her during that flight anymore than I could have done it in a car. I asked the agent about the policy and she said she had no idea, other than they might be worried about the car seat “tipping over during take off.” WHAT? It’s held in by the same seatbelt that keeps all of the adult passengers in their seats.

I AM BEYOND FRUSTRATED! As of last night, I’m leaning toward Airline D, and hoping for an understanding flight crew. Plus it’s the only direct flight from Dulles to our next home, so only once will I have to show my angry face, I mean, sweetly explain that I need to use the car seat for Kate’s safety, and for the comfort of other passengers.

IVF #3, sixth appointment

Good things really do come to those who wait!

As I was walking into the clinic this morning, I saw Dr. Fabulous passing through the foyer. She greeted me with a big smile and wave. She’s just so awesome! She also did my ultrasound and blood work today. During the ultrasound, she stated that the lining is “beautiful.” On the left side, she counted 11, yes, ELEVEN follicles!!!! I about fell off the table. I guess 14 days on 450 of Gonal F really pays off.

The REs usually rotate through the clinic, but I requested that she do my retrieval on Monday, which she agreed to. I just adore her!

The weekend plan is fairly simple, continue all pills, another 450 of Gonal F tonight. Last dose of Ganirelix in the morning. Trigger shot at 11:30pm on Saturday. Start antibiotics on Sunday. No injections at all on Sunday; I even get a one day break from Heparin. HOORAY! Egg retrieval on Monday.

Dr. Fabulous and I also discussed baby Kate. The plan is to take her to the clinic with us. I’ll entertain her for a bit in the surgical area, then my husband will take her home. I really feel awful about bringing her, but Dr. Fabulous was very reassuring and we’ll just do what we have to do.

Thank you so much for the supportive comments and kind words. It really does make a difference!

Can’t wait for Monday!

IVF #3, fifth appointment

This morning I was seen by the head RE/ owner of the clinic. He did my egg retrieval in 2009 and remembered me. After the ultrasound, he input the details into the computer. Unfortunately, one follicle is way ahead of the others, so he wants to push back the retrieval until Monday (it was supposed to happen on Friday). This is bad news bears for several reasons.

1. We have no childcare for Monday. None, zero, zilch. Finding someone to watch Kate for a few hours on Friday was already difficult, Monday is impossible. My doctor said we could bring her to the clinic, but eep, I hate the thought of doing that.

2. This also messes with my husband’s work schedule, again. Under normal circumstances, coming in a few hours late, taking a few days off wouldn't be a huge deal (especially with the amount of time he has built up). However, he’s one of two people in the entire country who does what he does, so yeah, big deal. His coworker has been amazingly understanding but really, how much more can we ask.

3. Meds. I’ve already been on 450 of Gonal F and Puregon for 12 days. Now I have to do another two days. Fortunately the clinic was able to find enough Gonal F to get me through to Friday; ugh I hate not having insurance coverage. HATE.

4. It’s more money, again, no insurance coverage for infertility treatment. Every time I go to the clinic it’s yet another $172 for blood work (blood work isn't included in the IVF cost). Doing this every other day adds up.

5. Thinking into the future, if we have embryos, and if they make it to blast stage, transfer will likely happen the following Friday. This throws a major kibosh on attending the biggest embassy event of the year. Really, it’s not a huge deal to miss it, but I ordered Kate the most adorable, monogrammed dress, and it would have been one of our last opportunities to see people before we leave in August. My husband absolutely has to attend (work-related), so I guess worst case scenario, Kate and I stay home, and I somehow try to manage not lifting an 11-month old, since I’m supposed to be on bed rest.

This just never gets easier. I am so unbelievably bitter and jealous of people who don’t have to go through this to have a child. IF is so unfair.

Welcome ICLW June 2011!

If you haven't been here before, welcome. On the ICLW website, I'm listed as doing a FET this month. I actually did the FET last month and found out it failed a few weeks ago. Since I'm apparently a glutton for punishment, I'm doing another fresh IVF cycle this month. Again, welcome. I look forward to reading your blogs, too.

History

2005- married

2007- started TTC

2008- IVF #1, early triplet miscarriage

FET #1, failed

2009- IVF #2, success

2010- welcomed our beautiful daughter, Kate

2011- FET #2, failed

IVF #3, in progress

For a more detailed history, click on the infertility label to the right.

IVF #3, fourth appointment

This morning I saw Dr. Fabulous, AKA, doctor of finding missing right ovaries. She was pleased with my lining, using such words as “gorgeous” and “beautiful.” Thank goodness, something is going well. The follicles are also continuing to show improvement. I’m to remain on the high dose of stims, and she’s still seeing six on the left, two on the “why bother” right. I go in for another ultrasound on Wednesday, and will probably have retrieval on Friday.

For those who have been through an IVF or FET cycle, or 5, you know that there’s an insane amount of blood work. Both of the clinics I’ve been with do ultrasounds and blood work every other day while cycling. When I first started all of this, oh, 4 ½ years ago, my veins were fine, seriously, one of my best physical characteristics. In fact the physicians I used to work with often joked that I better wear long sleeves during medical school, because everyone would want to practice on me. I had GREAT veins. Now, not so much.

Dr. Fabulous was going to take blood this morning, but changed her mind when I told her that I was due for an intralipid infusion as well (both of my arms are bruised and she wasn’t sure a nurse would be able to start the IV later, if she took blood first). She walked me down to the intralipid infusion area and started the paperwork. A nurse soon arrived and started the IV process. She did a great job, considering what she had to work with, and eventually was able to get enough of the cannula inserted to take blood and start the IV. I just hate being *that* patient. I used to be, and want to be, the easy patient, the patient who’s easy to start IVs on, whose veins jump out screaming “use me, use me.” Today was by far the slowest infusion I’ve had. I’m not sure if it was just bad luck, scar tissue, or what, but it took forever. Sigh. I wonder if anyone’s ever had a PICC line done for an IVF cycle. Kidding, sort of.

intralipids today

IVF #3, third appointment

Well, it’s not over, yet. I had a different nurse today; she remembers working with me before, maybe in 2009. I mean, she looks familiar and is very nice, but I don’t remember her doing my scans or bloods. This morning she did the ultrasound and sort of quietly made observations, which started to worry me. She asked about the med dose, cycle day, etc. She was also aware that Dr. Fabulous (doctor in charge of finding missing right ovaries) had previously done all of my ultrasounds for IVF #2, and had been called in to finish the ultrasound a few days ago. The nurse said she was going to have a look first, then, might get Dr. Fabulous. You know how this will end….

More probing around, then she had to change the paper on the printer. When I mentioned that happened on Saturday as well (printer was out of paper) she told me that I must be unlucky because that only happens every few months. I thought, “unlucky? yeah, you don’t know the half of it.” More probing, not offering much hope, and off she went to get Dr. Fabulous. Commence the tears.

Dr. Fabulous walked in a few minutes later to find a teary-eyed patient in the stirrups. Lovely. She had a look and it seems that all hope is not lost, for now. The right ovary is still a complete, worthless loser (two small follicles today). The left side is showing a bit of promise with six, okayish follicles. She tried to comfort me, but the fact is, I have DOR, I’m old (in the world of reproductive medicine, mid-upper 30s is old), and even at a crazy high dose of stims, my body is not responding all that well. With every IVF cycle, there are fewer follicles and therefore, fewer eggs and therefore, fewer embryos.

The plan is to stay on the high dose of Gonal F through the weekend, and see Dr. Fabulous on Monday. She said just to book with her and she’ll do the scan on their new machine. That way we’ll know exactly what’s happening. I have an appointment for intralipids on Monday, too.

The day now looks like this…

AM: thyroid meds, Prednisone x 5, Centrotide injection, Heparin injection

noon: prenatal vitamin, calcium x 3, baby aspirin, folic acid x 2, B Complex

PM: Heparin injection, Gonal F injection, Luveris injection

In other news, the clinic has a shiny new photo album in the waiting area. I suspected it was full of the “success” pictures, and I was correct. Imagine my delight when I opened it up to see Kate’s pictures on the front page. Of all the clinics I’ve been in, all of the bulletin boards of pictures, you sit and wonder, will I ever have a baby on that wall, or a picture to put in that book? Even though I gave Kate’s pictures to the clinic, it was really something to see them on display. Wow, we really did it. I so hope we can do it again.

IVF #3, second appointment

This morning I had another appointment. I was able to finally meet the fabulous nurse who had so generously arranged to give me the extra meds. As soon as she started the ultrasound, she asked about the famous missing right ovary., the one that’s difficult to find, the one they didn’t even bother to retrieve from in IVF #1 and IVF #2. I told her that the Dr. who’s famous for finding missing right ovaries did all of my scans during the previous IVF. She said, “I was just going to go get her.”

Dr. Wonderful finished the ultrasound. Lining looks great, follicles are meh. It’s only CD 5, but still, nobody in the room was jumping for joy. It looks like 5 on the left, 3 on the right. Though it’s doubtful that they will even attempt to retrieve from the right. I am understandably disappointed, and hope that there are a few hiding on the left. Five follicles doesn’t give us much to work with. Blood work will be back this afternoon and they’ll let me know if I need to increase the Gonal F.

Update: The nurse just called. They want me to increase the Gonal F, back up to 450 for a few days :( Hopefully Friday's ultrasound will show some results.

Guinness had a rough night

(if you are a new reader, Guinness’ history and previous posts can be found under the “cats” label)

Guinness and Bella decided to chase, chase, chase last night. The excitement was just too much for sweet Guinness. I went upstairs to look for him and as soon as I entered the guest room, noticed vomit on the floor. I found the boy in the guest bath shower; he’d lost control of his bladder, and was panting heavily. We cleaned up the mess and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Ugh. I do not want to go through this again. My heart just breaks for him. As long as he’s not chasing his sister, or under a considerable amount of stress, he’s absolutely fine.

The boy was exhausted after his episode, and after a few bedtime treats and snuggles, slept by my feet all through the night. This morning he was back to normal, and even stopped for a little bird watching with Kate.

Of course as soon as I grabbed the camera, causing Kate to turn and notice that Guinness was within reach, bird watching came to a quick halt.

ready for summer

My sweet girl is all ready for summer, new sunglasses, new hat. Now if only the sun would come out.

Good news, bad news IVF #3, first appointment

The good news…

We had the first appointment yesterday for IVF #3. The nurse we met with is one of my favorite people at the clinic. She did the blood work for my first beta with Kate, and is super, super sweet. The ultrasound showed that my body was ready, so last night I started Gonal-F, Luveris, and Heparin.

evening cocktail

The bad news….

I was given a bag of meds, and when I brought them home, I discovered that the HCG trigger had not been stored in the refrigerator, so I’m not comfortable using it, and the Gonal F is expired. I have enough new Gonal F to get me through to the next appointment (when I’ll discuss the possibility of still using the expired meds with the RE), but ugh, it looks like we might have to buy more Gonal F.

donated meds

meds I purchased (most of this is leftover from the FET)

As for the blood work, the nurse drew the standard hormone panel, then looked at my chart and said I’d need to redo the EU bloods. Bah, I JUST had them done in the middle of May, but since it’ll have been just over a month when I have egg retrieval, I had to have them redone. My husband had to have his done as well. There goes another $617. For the readers in the U.S., this is infectious disease blood work that’s required by law in all EU countries, to be repeated EVERY month you are in treatment. Dr. Spectacular (the American superstar) has commented about this several times and thinks it’s absurd, I agree. The other day he actually said that it’s more likely a person would get hit with a meteor than get an infectious disease at an IVF clinic, but whatever, we have to follow the law.

My second appointment is in a few days, and egg retrieval will likely/ hopefully happen June 23 or 24. Now I'm off to start working on the 50 bazillion pages of consents and legal forms.

I have an appointment tomorrow…

For an ultrasound and blood work. IVF #3, it’s time to get started!

As you know, the FET failed. I kind of expected it, but still, you put your hopes, your dreams, your money into it, and BAM, done. It’s over.

Honestly, I’m still kind of numb and haven’t really had much of a reaction. Though, I didn’t really have much of a reaction to the last failed FET either, though I had a lot of distractions while that was happening.

Tuesday morning I could have gone to the clinic for a beta, but I took two more home tests, negative, and declared it over. I called the clinic and asked for a consult with my RE. On Wednesday we had a straight, to the point, this is what needs to happen, chat. I think doctors are sometimes a bit unprepared by my type A, what’s the bottom line approach. I VERY rarely need my hand held or want to chat. I’m all about records, spreadsheets, and let’s not waste each other’s time. Dr. Spectacular and I had a nice conversation, covered A. B. and C. and yes, we are going to cycle, again.

During the course of the conversation, I mentioned to Dr. Spectacular that we don’t have insurance coverage, for meds or treatment. Those who know how much IVF costs (especially IVF with DOR and autoimmune issues, may now commence choking). Anyway, I told him that I’d previously donated my unused meds and that if by chance, another patient had done the same, I would really appreciate some Gonal F, Follistim, or Puregon, and anything else that happened to be wandering about the clinic.

Yesterday the fabulous nurse called to discuss the schedule, and meds. She said that as soon as my cycle returned, they wanted me in for an ultrasound. WHAT?!?! I thought we’d be cycling in July. Doing it now actually works so much better. (in July, we have the pack-out and upcoming move to worry about).

We also went over what meds I have left from the FET that can be used for a fresh cycle, what needs to be ordered, and again, I said that if there is anything around the clinic that needs to be used, I’d gladly take it.

She called me back later in the day and I was STUNNED by what she said. She was able to find some Gonal F, Luveris, Prednisolone, Orgalutran/ Ganirelix, and an HCG trigger. I still need to buy some Gonal F, heparin, and antibiotics, but wow, our med costs for this cycle will only be around 2K. We still have to pay for some additional testing (EU bloods, a repeat SA, etc), the actual IVF procedure, and intralipid infusions, but getting that much help with the meds is such a blessing. I told the nurse that I will donate everything I have leftover, as I’ve done in the past.

I’ll update tomorrow after my appointment.

Just thought I should explain that the Irish patients have their med costs covered under the Drug Payment Scheme, so please don't think I'm being completely selfish by accepting so many. Most of the other patients get their meds free or at a greatly reduced cost. I was also told that some of the meds I was offered are donated to the clinic fairly often, so there's plenty to go around. Too bad Gonal F is in such short supply ;)

First ear infection

Last week, Kate developed an upper respiratory infection, basically, her first illness ever (not counting newborn jaundice and reflux). Following that, she’d cry, then scream, upon being put down for her afternoon nap and bedtime. I immediately suspected an ear infection. On Friday we took her in, and sure enough, first ear infection. Not bad considering she’s 11 months old. Her doctor (whom I adore) said that the ear was red, and she recommending treating it. Hooray for catching it early.

My sweet girl is now on her first round of antibiotics, and fairly miserable, especially at night. We tried giving her Motrin (she had a reaction to it) and Tylenol, but she’s still in pain in the evening. Our previous, easy bedtime routine has turned into an hour + of crying, rocking, and sometimes, an additional small bottle. She has the saddest eyes, too. She looks at me as if to say, “Mommy, I just hurt.” It’s heartbreaking.

Hopefully she will start to feel better soon. Of course now she’s starting to pull at the other ear.

99% sure it’s another failed FET

I tested again this morning (9dp5t), using both a cheapie test and a brand new Clear Blue digital. “Not Pregnant” soon appeared, and punched me in the stomach.

I hate this so much; I hate it for all of us (infertility community). I'm angry and sad, so before I type something I might regret (feeling very bitter tonight), I'll say goodnight.

Thanks so much for the kind words and prayers. More updates tomorrow.

Not the news I was hoping to share today (FET #2)

I took two tests this morning (7dp5dt), and both were negative. I know it’s early, but this is the day I got a positive test with IVF #2 (Kate). It was even earlier than this that I got a positive test for IVF #1 (which ended in the miscarriage of triplets). For now I’m going to continue taking the meds and injections, and I’ll retest on Saturday. It feels like insult to injury that I have to keep taking everything. I can’t help but think I’m wasting it, and that I should be saving the meds for another cycle, or at least donating them to another patient, like I’ve done previously.

Speaking of another cycle, I told my husband this morning that if this FET is a failure like FET #1, I want to do another IVF cycle before we leave Dublin. The timing will be AWFUL (transfer would be near or during our pack out), and of course there’s the money issue. For now I’ll wait (not so patiently) and if I get a positive test, I’ll go in for a beta. Between the negative tests and constant cramps, I'm not hopeful.

What’s under the kitchen sink, you ask?

water, water, water

If I had to count the number of times a plumber has been to this house, or our previous house in Dublin, it would likely be over 20. Most of the plumbing issues seem to occur, not surprisingly, in the kitchen. Upon finding a rather large leak at the previous house, the plumber repaired it with a paper towel and a rubber band. Much to my surprise, it worked fairly well. Not perfect, but good enough.

We’ve had some electrical and plumbing problems at this house, but nothing compared to the first place. Last month, the dishwasher stopped dissolving the soap pellet in the little drawer. Meh, I didn’t want to be a pest, so I just left the drawer slightly ajar, which, usually, worked. Two weeks ago I found a large amount of water on the lower shelf under the kitchen sink. Since it was affecting the wood, I did go through the proper channels and arrange for the plumber to have a look.

I gave him the history of the dishwasher and the leak (the soap, and the fact that water only appears after the dishwasher has been run), and left him to work. I later found out that he repaired “a loose connection” with tape.

Well, wouldn’t you know, this afternoon we discovered a rather large leak on both the top and bottom shelf, under the sink. Someone will be here to have a look tomorrow. We’re placing bets on how this will be fixed. Glue? Staples, perhaps?